The Tyranny of Tyro!

Over 20 years of working in the kitchen at Gardens, only one preparation defies my mastery and that is Tyro. An emulsion of feta with nearly double its volume of oils and peppers that is whirred in a commercial high-capacity food processor for nearly an hour, the "finishedness" of Tyro is understood as much by an audible drop in decibels as by its visual texture which runs the gamut of a thickly running latex to a fluffy mousse. Worst of all, the failure of the admixture isn't often apparent until the next day: when served on a plate it spreads like sullen quicksand and covers the plate even as the server walks it out to the dining room. Then they positively hate me and I must return the entire batch to the processor and start spinning the gruel into casein gloss. This is when the agony of defeat and lactose defiance haunt like a recurring nightmare and the solution is counter-commonsensical: to thicken the mass we add MORE oil. And wait. And revise the proportions, again. The machines is loud, conversation impossible, the outcome indeterminate--ingredients all for a very frustrating and agonizing second-guessing. But when it works-- it is the fluff of heaven and one of the Gardens faves!